Omotola's Bombshell: I Don’t Believe In Gender Equality
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and untouched. I decided to start with someone who hadn’t seen the world yet.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when she was 16 and I was 26. We got married when she was 18. She clocked 36 recently. We were family friends and I met her through my elder sister. She used to come around the house and when she turned 18, I decided she was ripe. I told her I would marry her and she didn’t believe. I went to tell her late mother, who said I should wait till after four years because Tola had just gained admission to the university then. I told the mother that I couldn’t wait because I didn’t trust the guys in the university.
How can a woman have a successful marriage?
Omotola: I don’t believe in gender equality. I do not believe that God made man and woman to be equal in any way. I believe that in every organised institution, there is always a head and an assistant. It doesn’t mean that one should take the other for granted, or disrespect the other. I believe the husband is the head of the home and the wife is an assistant...
My husband is a pilot, I have flown with him several times and I understood that there is a captain and a co-pilot. They are both responsible for the passengers’ lives. But when there is a final decision to make, it is up to the captain to make it. He is more experienced and the one with the responsibility. But any mature captain will not ignore his co-pilot because the co-pilot is not a cabin attendant. He is there for a reason. It just depends on how you understand and play your roles.
I believe women should understand this. When a woman starts a struggle for power tussle with him, it tends to cause friction in the home. The woman should give the man the respect as the head of the home and also prove herself as a worthy co-pilot. He needs to see you as a reliable co-pilot. Sometimes, he may not be the one running the house day-to-day, you are the one to take decisions but you have to do it in such a manner that he is comfortable enough to see you as someone he can rely on. When you have a proud and egocentric husband, hand him over to God. If you feel like your life is being threatened, or that of your children, get yourself out of that situation. You owe your children that. Try separation for a while, but before that, you must have tried other things. I do not believe that people should throw in the towel in their marriage at every flimsy excuse. You must have been a diligent wife and tried prayers and intervention. If all those fail, then you can remove yourself from that situation. Also, couples should be friends and communicate. What we call love sometimes fizzles out. True love comes from friendship. When you don’t feel those initial sparks, friendship is what keeps you together, until when the spark comes again.
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They are not real and most of her movies are pecks and not kisses. I told her not to cross that boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are disciplined and prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no other strategy. One person can be perfect and the second person can be nasty. On our part, I’d say also that we don’t look at the relationship as something we can walk away from. We look at it as a life commitment. When you parents upset you, you cannot divorce them. Even the bible says you will leave your father and your mother and cleave to your spouse. Luckily, he doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse me. I don’t have any major thing to complain about, and I hope it is the same thing for him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is very argumentative. She always wants to be right. You can never win an argument with her. But she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I usually apologise first. He doesn’t say sorry. Overtime, I have come to realise that it is an ego problem. Even when he knows he is wrong, he will rather do every other thing or buy things for me than say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Fortunately, the ‘sorrys’ are not too many. He is very responsible and more hardworking than me. By God’s grace, we have been able to understand our routine.
Do you still have time to cook?
Omotola: I cook all the time. I love to cook. I don’t go to the market but I do the cooking.
You go to the market for her?
Matthew: Yes and I don’t feel bad doing it. I am not just doing it for her; I do it for the family. I enjoy it a lot and I have been doing it since we got married.
What pet names do you call each other?
Matthew: I call her Omosexy.
Omotola: I call him Honey Boy
Do you see this love lasting forever?
Omotola: Yes, though I’m not playing God, I believe our love shall be forever.
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